Managing Conflict in the Church (Part 3)

What the Bible teaches us about conflict:

1. “[In the Bible] there is “hardly a chapter that does not record or comment on some form of tension, struggle, or dissension”—Dr. Ingrid Buch-Wagler.
2. “Conflict … in Scripture is a vast subject: not a peripheral topic but one of its main themes”—Buch-Wagler.
3. Types of conflict addressed: inter-personal, international, intra-personal, and group.  Sometimes these intermingle.
4. Cosmic conflict:  good versus evil, God versus Satan
1. Devil = Diablo, divides, polarizes, scatters—so it is in sinful conflict
2. Satan = slanderer, destroys unity
5. Wisdom from Scripture:
1. Conflict resolved brings forgiveness, release and growth.  Conflict unresolved/handled poorly, destroys (Proverbs 18:19, “A brother offended is harder to win than a strong city, and contentions are like the bars of a castle.”)
2. Always closely guard the tongue: (Proverbs 18:6, “A fool’s lips bring him strife; his mouth invites a beating.”)
3. Avoid dissension as you would immorality or alcoholism (Romans 13:13, “Let us behave decently, as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality or debauchery, not in dissension and jealousy.”)
4. Nip dissension before it gets out of control.  Do not permit gossip or hearsay.  (Proverbs 26:20, “Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down.”)
5. Try to resolve conflict before it escalates and must go to regulating authorities. (Luke 12:58, “As you are going with your adversary to the magistrate, try hard to be reconciled to him on the way, or he may drag you off to the judge and the judge turn you over to the officer and the officer throw you in prison.”)
6. Being respectful and courteous helps soften conflict (Proverbs 22:10, “Drive out the mocker, and out goes strife; quarrels and insults are ended.”)
6. Practical advice regarding conflict:
1. When possible, overlook an offense: "A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense" (Prov. 19:11).
2. When confrontation is necessary:

                                                              i.      Keep the circle of communication direct: “Go to them,” (Matthew 5:23-24, 18:15-20).  If everyone did this there would rarely if ever be disruptive, open-ended conflict. Avoid “triangulation.”

                                                            ii.      Keep the goal of reconciliation foremost

                                                          iii.      Glorify God—K.Sande

                                                          iv.      Get the log out of your own eye—K. Sande

1.             Address everyone involved (All those whom you affected)

2.             Avoid if, but, and maybe (Do not try to excuse your wrongs)

3.             Admit specifically (Both attitudes and actions)

4.             Acknowledge the hurt (Express sorrow for hurting someone)

5.             Accept the consequences (Such as making restitution)

6.             Alter your behavior (Change your attitudes and actions)

7.             Ask for forgiveness

                                                            v.      Gently restore—K. Sande

                                                          vi.      Go and be reconciled—K. Sande

3. Disagree agreeably: “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1).
4. Develop a culture of understanding regarding conflict (through teaching and preaching)
5. Know the difference between principles and preferences

                                                              i.      Preferences are negotiable

                                                            ii.      Principles are non-negotiable

6. Develop a healthy conflict management style:

                                                              i.      Avoidance

                                                            ii.      Accommodation

                                                          iii.      Compromise

                                                          iv.      Competition (control)

                                                            v.      Collaboration

7. Emphasize the importance of unity:

                                                              i.      Unity is not uniformity

                                                            ii.      Unity is our greatest witness to the unbelieving world By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:35).

8. As much as possible don’t burn bridges; love your enemies (Matthew 5:44).