Dealing with Unhealthy Control and Influence in the Church

One of the issues that churches face on the turn-around journey is how to change when people of influence in the church exercise unhealthy control.  Recently this was the topic at a roundtable discussion with Middle Baptist Association pastors.  Here are some of the observations and conclusions:

·         Some members think that their giving should afford them more influence in church decisions.  They have a misguided understanding of how stewardship works.

·         Some members have influence, but they disappoint and frustrate others by failing to follow through with their commitments.  They promise more than they deliver.

·         Sometimes when unhealthy influencers leave they “create more space for God.”  The congregation breathes a collective sigh of relief.

·         The influence of members on Facebook can be a source of discouragement.  People can snipe and gossip in “anonymity.”

·         Pray for problem people.  Build the church on prayer.

·         When there are issues have loving, confrontational conversations.

·         Don’t sermonize personal problems with congregants.  Deal with them face to face.

·         “Teach those who will be taught; lead those who will be led.”

·         Don’t expend energy where the return doesn’t merit it.

·         Understand spiritual warfare as an aspect of dealing with difficult people.  There is a definite spiritual component.

·         God can move people and their hearts.

·         Join God where He is at work (Blackaby).

·         Mobilize outreach connected to church events (VBS, Fall Festivals, Easter, Christmas, etc.).

·         When we deal with difficult people others later will benefit from our “pains.”

·         Pastoral tenure is important to instill confidence and trust in the congregation.

·         Churches must choose not to follow people of negative, unhealthy influence.

·         Lay leaders must urge each other to be committed.

·         Self-leadership is vital; healthy influence comes from personal example.

·         Grow the church – a natural consequence of growth is more shared influence.

·         Teach and preach on spiritual gifts.  Organize the church around member’s gifts.

·         Teach and preach on Biblical servanthood.

·         Train leaders to exercise influence biblically.

·         Emphasize the nominating process.  Be intentional in identifying and enlisting sound leaders.

·         Use committees and teams, not just the deacon body to be catalytic influencers.

·         Understand who your influencers are and have healthy relationships with them.

·         Rotate leadership and chairmanship of teams and committees.

·         Let people resign. If someone threatens to resign, unless the reason is obviously valid, let them.  A person who uses manipulation to exercise control is not a healthy leader.

·         Work toward shared influence and collaboration.

·         Be sure that your own leadership style is not manipulative or self-serving.

·         Involve people, be willing to delegate and take risks on people.

·          Teach conflict management and resolution principles.  Healthy churches are constantly open to change and change and conflict are always related.