This is the name of an updated version of Marshall Shelley’s book, Well Intentioned Dragons. One of the worst kept secrets in pastoral ministry is that there are difficult people in every congregation. There a lot of names that could be given to them: Shelley chose the term “dragon .” His first chapter begins with this great quote from Flannery O’Connor, “No matter what form the dragon may take, it is of this mysterious passage past him, or into his jaws, that stories of any depth will always be concerned to tell.”
Yet many pastors are shocked to discover that the church, rather than being a house of prayer, is the dragon’s lair. One pastor said, “In seminary I learned how to discuss infra- and supralapsarianism, and yet in thirty years of ministry, I’ve never had to use that knowledge. But I’ve encountered lots of unreasonably angry people who made up their minds about things and didn’t care to hear any facts to the contrary. I was never even warned such people would be out there” (Shelley, 14). While it may be uncomfortable for some church members to think about fellow members of their congregation this way, for the pastor, developing relational skills to minister to “dragons” is indispensable.
Our latest pastor peer learning discussions at the Middle Baptist Association focused on this subject. The following article details some of the highlights of those discussions.
1. General observations about dragons
“Their charm and earnestness belie their power to destroy” (11-12). Therefore, a pastor might easily develop misconceptions about these difficult members. Some of these errors include the belief that it’s ok to simply ignore them. That might be true, but probably it isn’t. There will be a temptation to marginalize these members, but to do so is to forget that they are likely acting out of some past wound. This is still a church member (hopefully) somewhere along the continuum of discipleship. It’s not wise to assume that nothing redemptive can come out of interacting with dragons.
It’s helpful to know some formative traits of dragons (54-57). A dragon probably is sincere but lacking in self-awareness. This underscores the importance of accountability and humility. Their problem solving style is more emotional than logical. Probably they are characterized by emotional immaturity. They have authority issues which get projected onto leaders. This is helpful, because it probably indicates that their hostility isn’t as personal as it seems. It just happens to be you leading. They are prevalent in most, if not all congregations. Everyone has a fallen nature and “the church doesn’t have the luxury of choosing its members.”
On the other hand, it is probably not true that the situation will improve if we just ignore them. It will probably be necessary at some point to confront a person who seems intent on derailing the ministry of the church. No pastor is at his best when they are trying to minister while under attack. The unfortunate reality is that a person who would be characterized as a dragon “enjoys being an adversary rather than an ally” (47). They are probably marshalling their troops. Dragons often recruit others to their cause.
2. Why pastors
have to care about dragons
Pastors are always going to face difficulty when they are leading change. Many (really most) congregations are declining these days, so it is reckless not to lead the church to analyze its systems and priorities and adjust to achieve biblical vitality. But as one pastor said, “The doors of opportunity swing on the hinges of criticism.” Understanding dragons, to the extent that it is possible, is a tactical necessity. We can’t fix people, but taking the mystery out of these adversaries, may permit some measure of rest for the battle wearied leader.
It’s also helpful to understand the psychology of these types of church members because it is good preventative medicine. Dragons are spiritually, emotionally and sometimes physically draining. Pastors often find that these regular patterns of negative interaction get carried over into their home life. They describe themselves as feeling defeated. They feel that they are losing momentum, vision and the ability to be evangelistic. The will to initiate ministry dries up as the fight or flight instinct kicks in (as indicated by the often short tenures). Their prayers and private devotions feel the intrusion of these skirmishes. Depression, anxiety and uncertainty about the future may dominate if the pastor does not find allies and wisdom from the Lord.
3. Unrealistic
expectations regarding dragons
Positive factors like growth and healthy change are unlikely to pacify the determined adversarial church member. Numerical growth may not be meaningful to them. In fact, just the opposite may be true. Because their value is in maintaining control, growth may actually cause them to feel threatened as they realize their power is slipping away. Not everyone wants growth. Some folks are stuck in the past and comfort is more important than making disciples (which is almost always liable to be messy and uncomfortable). Growth, for the dragon, just means the loss of ownership.
4. Habitations of dragons
While there are a number of places that dragons are comfortable and at home, they thrive when “formal and informal power structures don’t align” (48-53). Churches have formal power structures: committees, teams, deacons, staff, policies, bylaws, teachers, and church business meetings to name a few. But churches also have informal power structures which are often unnamed and perhaps less obvious: tradition, internal church culture, and unofficial leaders. One of the very worthwhile tasks of effective leadership is prayerfully and intentionally creating biblical congregational alignment in these structures. This is where we have often borrowed from Hal Seed who said, “We can’t just work in the ministry; we have to work on the ministry.” This is not a sprint. This is a marathon. It will require prayerful, patient, relational, informed work.
5. Taming dragons
How do we tame dragons? It has to be done in the congregational community. In both of our groups we discussed the church covenant as a helpful corrective. Most churches constituted on a promise to treat each other with Christian dignity and respect and to “avoid all tattling, backbiting and excessive anger” (J. Newton Brown, 1833). In the past congregations reminded each other of these commitments. I can remember seeing the covenant read responsively as an aspect of the communion liturgy. New members classes can help drill these truths down into a local church community. Preaching and prayer are obvious ways that a culture of peace is cultivated. And pastors need courageous advocates who will stand with them.
Obviously in writing this, there is not an assumption that pastors are never wrong. These are just common observations that are so frequent in their occurrence that Marshall Shelley wrote a book about them that is still as relevant now as when it made its first appearance in 1985. This summary is based on discussions of the first half of Marshall Shelley’s book Ministering to Problem People in Your Church. Part two will appear in December 2020 or January 2021.
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